Last night I saw her again. We had agreed to go see The Grand Budapest Hotel.
I was really nervous to see her. I really wanted this to work but I didn’t want to pressure her either. I waited for her outside of the Dendy cinemas, watching all the people wander past. Smoking cigarettes with friends, holding bags of booze, couples holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes. Most importantly a big vein of this city, pulsating and vibrating to the fervour that engulfs people on a Saturday night. I stood against the side of the entrance, left leg pressed up against the wall to support myself. I contemplated having a cigarette, but I didn’t want the smell of tobacco to linger as I knew she was on her way.
I had my Ipod on shuffle, it began to play Beach House’s “Norway”, it reminded me of the last time I felt this way. I haven’t felt that way in over two years. And it also reminded me of how I felt when it all fell apart.
I’m not sure if I want to feel that way again, I want to get to know this girl but at the same time I don’t think I can handle being hurt like that again.
Why do I have a feeling that it’s never going to work out, she doesn’t walk at the same pace as me, she’s always rushing to get to points and accomplish set goals, people can’t just sit and chill out every once in a while. Just stop, talk and listen.
Why do I have this voice in my head saying “FUCK”.
I want you, why is it so hard to say to someone, without getting into the whole is this a serious relationship, is this going to work out.
Can’t I just stop with the games and just enjoy each other’s company.
I thought these things should be getting easier as I get older, apparently not.